CLOSED

This space is closed since Febuary 5, 2007.

You may be interested in this on a weekly basis.

Guest Column (II)

Picking up with my series of guest columns again, here is the next one from the Wingman.

*******************************************
10:21pm:
Walking down the street, I'm talking on my cellphone with my parents, just another boring day heading home from INI.... or so I thought.

"Excuse me, can you please help me?"

I hear from a frantic looking guy about my age.

"You won't believe this but I'm having an emergency and I need some money!"

I'm thinking- hello scamming college student, how are you?

He goes on to explain: "I'm from West Virginia University and I came up here with my girlfriend to go to a party. We were at the Kappa Alpha... or something frat party, you wouldn't believe what happened. They started calling us rednecks and much worse."

Meanwhile, we exchanged cell numbers. On another note, his girlfriend was from Ohio. It's probably best that I not go into how Michigan isn't a great state but it is far better than Ohio.
Anyway, he continues:

"After that they stole my iPod and our wallets. We tried calling all the police but they told us to get off the property. So, here I am without any money, and we are out of gas. You are the first person to even talk to us when we asked for help. Can you please give me some money just so that I can get some gas."

I'm thinking to myself, if he is acting he's at least earned $20, he's taken 5 minutes and put on quite a show, Tom Cruise gets paid a lot more for 5 minutes and he's not half as convincing. So, "Take me to the gas station a block down and I'll fill you up."

He merrily exclaims "Thank you", like fifteen times. As I was walking toward his car his plate was from Pennsylvania, so that seemed a litte sketchy. Further, I asked if he was a football fan, he said he was, and I asked how high WVU got in the rankings, he didn't know, that also seemed sketchy(because this was one of the best years ever for WVU. I asked him about where in WV he was from, and although I hadn't been to the exact town he mentioned, his knowledge of WV checked out. Nonetheless, I felt that I need to help him for two reasons. One, because that's the way that Jesus would roll. Second, I felt bad that he had a bad impression of the people at CMU. I felt that the people here were amongst the finest caliber of people that I had met. So, I paid to fill up his tank. I asked him if he wanted any food from inside and he said that they already had food. While I was filling it up, I was bombarded with a million more thank yous. More interestingly, he was giving me his address, and about to tell me his social security number. I stopped him, and explained that I could steal his life (like on "The Net" movie) with his social. Inside the gas station he asked for "/Like $20/" for tolls. I know West Virgina well enough to know that there are 3 tolls, $1.50 apiece, that he will travel through, so I have him $7, just to be safe. Then I paid my Credit Card, paying careful attention to make sure that he didn't steal my CC#.

When riding back to my place he mentioned that if he ran into more trouble then maybe I could wire him some money. I didn't say anything, but I thought: Dude, your creative but if you want to rob me, it saves us both time if you use a gun. Realistically, if he was a con artist, his story probably would have been better. Legitimate people in crisis can't think straight. I asked him if he wanted to come in for a cup of hot chocolate and he declined because of the inclement road conditions.

11:30 pm
I am back inside my house, I was weighing whether Bonnie and Clyde (we will call them) were legitimate or scammers. I trust in my discernment skills, I've been in worse situations, plenty of times... so I know how it feels, and how one often reacts franticly. He was so hectic and careless with his approach, I voted that he was legitimate. Anyway, I went onto Facebook and Clyde had a unique name, so I checked at WVU to see if he was on there. I didn't know his last name, but there was indeed a person named Clyde. He was class of '08 which is about the age that he looked like when I met Clyde face-to-face. He has a friend named Bonnie, who's picture has a picture of the man that I met... So it is a picture of Bonnie and Clyde both, on Bonnie's Facebook Profile. I poked them on Facebook. His story may be true or not. I'd rather both pay a scammer and a guy in trouble, as long as I can help the guy in trouble. The cards have been dealt, there was a high opening of a $30 bid, I raised the bet and put my trust in the pot, soon it will be time to show our cards...

Am I foolish? Am I generous? Would anyone else have done this?

**************************************************

Pitt-ed

Its painful to change but one must evolve, The heart bleeds to let go but nothing was yours.
It snows outside but the fire burns within, Sleep I must but its not yet time.
--Me

10 'lessons' were realized in the week gone by. Some would stick and the rest would melt away- what would remain is a changed myself.

1. People are different when one is away as compared to being in constant touch. This is a flaw in how the brain perceives relationships and the manner in which humans nurture expectations. Familiarity breeds contempt and ignoring it leads to mental agony.
   
2. Its important to talk about problems in a relationship ONLY if one cherishes the presence of the other person in one's life. It needs to be done with tender yet firm words. The other person should be told how important he/she is for you in CLEAR terms. If not, forget about it.
   
3. It is "easier" for Americans to be rash and overlook other's feelings. They will have the best explanations in the world for it, the underlying fact being that they just cannot help it.
   
4. Females and males react differently to situations. Its in the genes, blame God for it. Its not just the female who "thinks" a lot about relationships and cries. Guys do it too.
   
5. I was so much at peace when I cared less. When I do, I feel like being chained.
6. Friends take notice when I use the word "Lord" instead of "God" or "bhagwaan".
7. A friend wanted to slap and tell me to stop acting like a kid. It never happened. I am sad but its good to be patient.
   
8. My reputation precedes me to a lot of places. Its tough fighting myself.
9. I am really enjoying my psychology oriented classes. Negotiations and Professional Writing have already added so much to me in a week. I am thinking a lot more freely now (as if it was not enough already!).
10. Six second of silence is enough to unnerve most people into speaking something which they rather would not have spoken.

I have an unanswered question- Is it correct to talk about someone's characteristic behavior which might be inappropriate at times? Or should one choose to ignore them? Who the person is matters a lot- but how does one decide if one is bordering on hurting someone as compared to genuinely wanting to help? How much is the 'cultural difference' discount? How much of subtle insult and bugging is enough? How would I know if "I" am the person myself someday?

I sat outside in the cold past midnight for more than an hour watching cars go by. Thoughtful? No. Brooding? Maybe. Hopeful? Yes!!

ps: The biggest lesson- People rarely tell you what they think about you and more often than not the truth is not what one would like to hear.

Indian Diaries: PicSpeak

"If you clap at the gates of the Golconda fort, the guard at the top of the hill would be able to hear it!" - Beautiful remains of the Golconda fort and the open air light and sound show theatre.

"Ma, these roads were built in the 18th century for bullock carts. Now, they are somehow carrying the burden of SUVs " - View from the top of Charminar

"Why dont people grow up in this country and realize that these structures are of national heritage."- Names of people written at the famous Charminar, Hyderabad

"Nature at its best!"- A crow eating a fish at the sea shore

"Click it fast! I cannot touch these thorns for long without looking at them" - A botanist's son in love with Cactus- these were rare species specially brought in from Africa.
" Four rupees each! (Looks at us) No. Five rupees."- Coconuts are sold for less than 10 cents on the roadside
"Road rules are meant to be broken in this country"- A biker crossing the railroad even when the gates are closed.

"Chalo dance karo! Sahab ko salaam karo (Dance and salute the master!)"- A monkey which is a common view on Indian streets.

"Wow, these lucky crocs can have orgies all night long (thought!)" - Crocodile farm maintained by the Irula tribe. It was started and is headed by an American named Romulus Whitaker.

"India is a diverse country where all the religions known to man exist in perfect harmony"- A Muslim guide at a Hindu temple right outside the sanctum sanctorum.

"Wow. How did the artisans built such structures out of single pieces of rock 900 years from now?" - The beautiful temples at Mahabalipuram were almost lost in the Tsunami of 2004

"Hey I know this stone. Its the one that was shown in National Geographic the other night!" - Stone carvings from the Pandava period at Mahabalipuram

"Bhaiya (brother), your kids would be like these once you marry a blonde in America" - My sister's comments on watching these kids play at Auroville Ashram

"This banyan tree is bigger than the one at Modern School" - Auroville Universal City, Pondicherry

"I wont die without seeing your marriage. Marry an American if you want but please do it fast." - My beloved granny
"I can feel something crawl up my leg shooting this. I should get out of the bushes now!" - Camping and waiting for Jesus in the backyard tent

"Wow, you are heavy. Hold on until the pic is taken!"- Church hopping on Christmas at midnight outside the Convent of Jesus and Mary- Ma's school.

"This is where I started from and this is where I come back" - On top of the Banyan Tree at Modern School.

Did someone say that pictures speaks more than words?

(ps: click on the pics for a better view)

Indian Diaries: The Beachside Getaway

January 1, 2007 5:40 am: “No flight is taking off before noon. We are going to the airport to just sleep there.”

It is not a pleasant feeling to sleep for a couple of hours on the night of December 31 and catch a flight at 6:40 am on the first day of the year thereafter. What was frustrating is the fact that despite the heavy fog in Delhi, the flight was not delayed officially. The airline staff does not announce the status until an hour before take off- which meant that I did not have enough time to get to the airport in case the flight was really on time! But this morning was different- the visibility was down to ZERO at 5 am! Delhi seemed like a cold closed room full of artificial smoke machines and though we reached on time for the boarding, the flight delay was imminent.

The last week or so had been physically tiring and mentally draining. Shopping in Delhi is the most hassling experience if one is not sure of what to buy. Although I had a pretty good idea about my needs, I was clueless when it came to buying gifts for friends back in Pittsburgh. Sarojini Nagar is one huge circus where every shopkeeper is a ringmaster in his own self displaying with aggressive vigor the best he had to offer. After walking past the shouting shopkeepers, the numerous fake Lee and UCB stalls and the infinite churidaars and lehengas for girls, I was more than a little dazed. The variety of choice and the varying sizes had confused me and I made a call to Pittsburgh just to ascertain the exact size of people concerned. Connaught place, Chandni Chowk and Lajpat Nagar were amongst the other Delhi hotspots I frequented this last week. The thought of shopping was irritating by the end of the week.

“Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to the Indian flight 439 to Chennai. We would be taking off shortly. This flight is equipped with the CAT 3 Bravo system.”

My ears were not ringing. The flight was ultra modern- the plane, the seats, the food and most importantly the airhostesses were way better than the Chicago-New Delhi Air India flight I traveled in a fortnight back. Before we were up in the air, I was busy catching up on lost sleep. Finally, I was away on a vacation with my full family after five and a half years.

“I have been kissing and hugging people I am seeing after 16 months. This is the place I spent 21 years of my life and it’s unbelievable to come back to the same place and people again. It’s unreal.”

There are certain instances when one virtually switches between one era and another- say his past and the current- and it is all a mental adjustment. What one cannot anticipate is how and when the context switch would hit you. IT hit me this past week on Saturday evening. Until almost two weeks after landing on Indian soil, I was still complaining about missing Pittsburgh, its people and constantly comparing my lifestyle at the two places. The same phenomenon happened the first time I traveled to America and it probably happens to others too. What was different this time that I almost broke down while bidding good bye to a college friend. It was not about people not being able to meet- but the flood of good old memories which threatened to moisten my eyes in public. I was coming to terms with how much of India-my home- had changed, how much the people I knew had moved on in life, how much little I meant to so many people, how much more I was to a handful few and how in spite of all the big talk, I was still a simple Indian at my core. Sometimes looking in the mirror can be intimidating and that’s precisely what had happened to me; suddenly and unannounced! I felt sick. I kissed my mom and dad later in the evening, spoke to Bachu and Nicole until my balance ran out, spoke to my grandma about life’s philosophy, lit a bonfire and poured my heart over the burning embers.

“Help us to build the nation. Pay taxes and become a responsible citizen.”

The journey from Chennai to Pondicherry- about two and a half hours- was amazing except for the last 45 kilometers or so. Road infrastructure in this part of the country is impressive and I certainly did not mind paying 20 rupees twice as toll for the 100km/h + journey. The last stretch of the highway from Tindivanam to Pondicherry is not complete yet but I felt proud on seeing such world class infrastructure being developed here. The amazing thing about Indian highways is that the best SUV in the world still shares the road- and gives way- to bullock carts. I saw people standing in lines bare foot in the hot sun for miles outside the many temples on our way. And they were there in their thousands if not the millions. There certainly is chaos in this country but in every chaos there seems to be a manner which emerges out of the confusion. Although it would seem like an accident is imminent with people walking all around on roads, bicycles streaking across the highway perpendicular to the traffic flow and the odd animal stopping the movement of goods, it rarely does happen. People do stop or slow down- mostly grudgingly- but the larger concept of sharing is not lost. India is a big country with big problems but what keeps it going is the spiritual strength of its people stemming from our centuries old culture. Patience (and maybe Gandhigiri) is one principle India could teach the world a lesson or two in. Take similar problems to any other country and I am sure their system would collapse.

“No video cameras. No mobile phones. No shoes. Keep silent”.

The board outside the Sri Aurobindo Ashram in the former French colony left none in doubt about the code of conduct inside the Ashram. Noise on the outside suddenly turned into soothing silence once inside. The samadhi (resting place) of Sri Aurobindo is a shrine adorned with fresh flowers. I sat at one corner of the small enclosure around the shrine and tried meditating. Whether it was the lack of sleep or the power of the place as many believe, I was lost for the next 45 minutes or so. My family went inside the library on seeing me engrossed so deeply in though with closed eyes. I felt nothing around me but everything in my mind was lucid- I was asking tricky questions and getting answers for them. I felt cleansed.

“Man proposes. God disposes. This time, it was the opposite.”

I met up with Mukesh and Somenath, two close undergrad friends. I had planned to meet them in Bangalore but due to some change in plans, I was disappointed that my India trip would end up without meeting them. As author Robin Sharma would like to believe, for every desire that we have, there is a desire which has originated in the soul of the universe. They made plans to travel to Pondicherry without knowing I was coming here and it was last week that we knew that we could meet at a third place besides Delhi and Bangalore. It was a short meet but it just about managed to plug in another mental piece in this amazing India trip.

Sitting in the balcony of the ashram guest house, with the Bay of Bengal playing its orchestra 50 feet away- waves after waves hitting the rocks beneath where I sit- I can see a bright flood light at the end of the peer a mile away. It makes a portion of the ocean glitter like diamonds but the rest of it is dark and scary. Does that make the lit up waves- that I am attracted to watch- any different from the infinite expanse of the rest of the dark ocean? The rest of the ocean seems to be only swimming towards the light post. I cannot think of any better correlation in real life apart from the light post being analogous to God in our lives with everything He sheds light on being the most glorified thing we see. It’s not surprising that the ocean seems to be moving in His direction.

Staring at my screen, something just flashed my mind- though for a second only- some other things which seem to be from a previous life. Pittsburgh, INI, CMU, Deloitte, hardships and grades. Somehow, the people don’t seem to be from another planet- they seem to say I-miss-you with every breath.

This trip is an incredible escape from what I am and my mundane rat-raced lifestyle. I hope the next 6 days have more stored in them. For now, the waves come and go and I sit humming an old Kishore Kumar tune…

ps: This post was written in Pondicherry but I did not have the time to put it up until two days later in Chennai.

Indian Diaries: Back to School

“Naimatma Balheenien Labhya.” (Perfection cannot be achieved by the weak)

-Credo of Modern School
************************************************

December 24th 2006 began early. It was the day when my high school alum met at school to play various sports against the school team. More than anything else for me, it was a chance to re connect with school and some of the long lost people.

As I drove inside Modern School at 8 am, I was looking more towards the buildings and side walks rather than the road ahead. Road? Yes, roads!! Modern School had done away with the characteristic red sand with bituminous roads. It looked horrible. I remember cleaning off red sand from my white shoes often in high school. It was so embedded into the red brick school structure. Alas, it was no more!

After meeting some of the soccer team players and being cornered to the benches as an extra, I decided to take a round of the school as the game began. I walked into my 9th class in Sir Sobha Singh block. The smell of the class was overpowering- as though I had walked through an invisible wall into another era. As I sat down on one of the wooden benches in the front, as was the practice in those days. I could almost see Mr. Binju and Mrs. Batra teach Sanskrit to us. Mudit or Gautam used to sit besides me most of the times. The board had some figures from the chapter 'Similar Triangles'. I wanted to cry and share by excitement- but the building was haunted. Nobody watched but it felt great to come back to the same spot after more than 9 years.

Walking towards the Platinum Jubilee Block (PJB), I noticed the nice canteen right outside where the school buses used to stand near the Principal's home. That was the best thing to happen after I left school. PJB was grand as usual- marble slabs in the washroom were broken, all brands of shoes were imprinted on the white walls, wooden desks bore the brunt of student's creativity with permanent markers and pens, window panes were broken and the classes were now smaller in size than they used to be at our times. But, everything was forgiven- it was PJB- where half a decade back I spent my days juggling with mathematical formulas, chemical equations and laws of physics.

I moved onto see everybody's favorite spot in school- the banyan tree. It is now the saddest place in school. It once boasted of being the hang out point of most bunkers, frivolous couples and the random smoker- all so Modern. The earth around the tree was perfect for playing cricket and there was never a moment when a look at it had failed to put a smile onto any Modernite's face. The entire tree is now surrounded by concrete rocks dotted by the random bird-chicken-deer structures made from wrought iron. The tree stands alone calling us to hang from its aerial roots.

Met some old batch mates and the random person here and there. This is what was on the platter after the game- Gol gappas, aloo tikki, chat papri, chole bhature, paneer chilla, aloo sabzee and puri, pao bhajee, gajar ka halua and kesar pista kulfi. I shed all my inhibitions and hogged like a hungry dog. The mere thought of eating such delicacies satiates my taste buds right now.

Finally, it was the prize distribution ceremony. We had lost the game but got a neat certificate for the enthusiastic participation. Some exchange of phone numbers, big hugs and promises to stay in touch later everyone was ready to leave. As I walked back to my car, I did not know if I would be sitting on my junior class's bench again. I did not know then how my lost childhood was never coming back again. What I know for sure is how Modern School had shaped me into what I am today and how it is shaping the future of the country for generations now...

Indian Diaries: Getting to Places

Now I know why they tell you to put your head between your knees on crash landings. You think you're going to kiss your ass good-bye. ~Terry Hanson
*********************************************************

The only son coming home after 16 months- everyone had their plans on how I should spend my time in India. Along with it, my sister was the most vocal in how I should spend my money in America-SHOPPING! But Ma had asked me not to spend too much on getting stuff to distribute amongst friends and family. Nice, that worked perfectly for me. But gifts had to be taken for my close friends back in my ‘fatherland’-America from India.

Even before I landed, my mom and sister was intimated about setting some time aside for shopping girl y stuff with me. They would have been a better hand at understanding the good and bad in girls clothing and Ma is a champion in bargaining. But clothing? Now that’s chartering into unknown waters- one needs to know the perfect size and choice of the people for whom clothes are to being bought. I know- but I had promised two of my ‘firang’ friends something Indian to wear this January. So finally two days back I decided to meet my mom and aunt at South Extension II market to get cracking on 'gift shopping'.

Ma had taken the car to college and hence I needed to figure out a way to reach there on time. As I walked out of my colony, I saw the auto-rickshaw I so desperately wanted to hire with little time at hand. As I waved it down, it accelerated ahead without even stopping to listen where I had to go. Strange. I felt a little insulted and rolled my eyes if someone noticed the event. Insignificant events assume significance in this part of the world and things I wouldn't have cared about in America have to be taken care of. As I walked ahead, a God sent autowallah (an auto is a popular vehicle in India which runs on three wheels instead of four; its the cheaper alternative to the four wheeled cab) came from behind in his vehicle.

“South Ex?”, I asked before getting in.

“Part 1 or Part 2?”

“How does it matter? They are on the opposite side of the road, aren’t they?”

“Ok. I will take 40 rupees. Jump in.”

A little shocked by the price quoted, I started to reason with him. Wrong choice. He shot off ahead, vomiting black smoke from his ignition pipe onto my washed face. Rather than being disappointed, my emotions tallied more with anger. Is this the way to treat customers? I mean, such people should be booked or something should be done. But this is not America and business often is a case of one party exploiting the needs and situation of the other ( I know, this is not true- but now do you realize how disappointed I was?). I decided to catch a public transport bus.

As I stood waiting to cross the road for a long time, I wondered why I had not hired the autoricksha- the fare was less than a dollar for point to point transportation. Apparently, something had clicked deep within me. Probably it was the frustration against the lack of a system of cabs and autos and the consequent exploitation of customers like me who wish to travel by the meter. Whatever the case, I saw a bus numbered 501 coming my way. It would have taken me 75% of the way to Dilli Haat from where I could catch another bus for South Ex. Total cost- Rs. 7

As I boarded the bus, it brought memories from the past rushing back. The old metal frame, broken windows, females on the left and males on the right, some crazy fast number blaring out of the haggard speakers and many more people standing than the bus could accommodate. I bought a ticket and held firmly onto my valet and mobile phone for the fear of being pick pocketed. Somehow I got a seat in no time and it felt good not to be driving on the crazy Delhi roads for once.

As I glanced outside, I could see every vehicle push ahead in a hurry. What was more worrying was the fact that commuters on bikes rode and swayed dangerously close to four wheelers as though they had just picked up some life shield- akin to many popular computer games nowadays. If people crossing streets by signaling traffic to stop with hands were not enough, I saw three school kids standing right in the middle of the road not knowing where to go. Whereas I expected the bus to stop and avoid running them over, the driver rode on as though he was the only one on the road. This was shocking because the kids were really in the middle of no where. As the bus reached within 5 metres of crushing them to death, the three moved ahead dangerously. If there were a vehicle driving parallel to the bus on the right, they would have been in mid air by now. Thankfully, the bus went past them safely but they were still left to negotiate the rightmost lane with their life-saving-skills still at use. I closed my eyes at this moment- hoping to reach my destination soon and not getting depressed with the state of affairs.

Any paper, any survey and most Indians would tell you that Delhi is one of the most unsafe cities for females. Somehow, the Delhi male is not trained to treat the ‘fairer’ sex with the same respect they might command elsewhere (does that sound sexist?). I got a first hand demonstration. While I was seated with another male on a seat reserved for ‘Ladis’, I could not help but stand up the moment some ladies came and stood by us. The other gentleman chose to ignore them for a while until the conductor (helper person on the bus responsible for selling tickets unlike in Western countries) came and made him relinquish his seat of power. I call it ‘seat of power’ because my mind gives me just one reason for such behavior- a pseudo sense of superiority that a low-on-confidence and frustrated male might associate in denying females something, just anything he could- and which often becomes a social problem in a developing country like India.

I got into the second bus from the INA Market. There was no space to sit but the saving grace was that the travel was hardly a mile. But what made the travel worse was the full blast village songs the driver chose to enforce on commuters- people tired after work, infants trying to sleep, couples trying to speak to each other and people like me who just didn’t understand what the words meant. The driver suddenly braked very hard- it is common with blue line buses in Delhi to drive within an inch of the vehicle in front of them and then testing the brakes to stop just in time. I suddenly felt being dragged onto the floor- one thin chap standing besides me could not resist the force Newton described in his third ‘equal-and-opposite’ law and decided to grab the first thing that he could grab. Unfortunately, for me, it was my $45 Carnegie Mellon sweatshirt. My desire to prove a point by not spending less than $1 on comfortable travel as opposed to travel in public buses could have proven expensive. Thankfully, due to lack of space, he fell on a bunch of people and my sweatshirt was saved. I could not decide whether to be thankful of the fact that the bus was cramped or to ridicule the high population in the country. Whatever be the case, my stop was approaching. I decided to get off a stop early and walk the rest of the way- the stench of some armpits was getting to me by this moment.

As I walked to South Ex subway, I saw people running after buses, men jumping off from moving buses as though the road was a bed of roses, girls playing with mobile phones standing at the sparsely lit stop, hawkers selling peanuts and unfiltered water, drivers honking with hard-to-explain irritation, lights glaring out of some of the best showrooms Delhi had to offer, urine making its way to the main road from the wall where men had relieved themselves, beautiful Delhi girls holding hands with not so good looking guys (why is it always like that?), the parking guys shouting to get the cars in and out smoothly and the random person like me trying to get to the other side of the road.

My aunt owns a shop in South Ex and it seemed like the most peaceful place on earth once I got there. She came with me and Ma for sometime to some hawker shops to get ear rings for Nicole and Ash. We did not end up buying anything for them but instead a bunch of clothes for me. On the way back, I drove back in the big car with the windows rolled up tightly and light music on. Driving was hell but at least I was in an air conditioned car chatting with family.

Evan, I challenge you to drive in Delhi for a day without getting hit.

I would still travel in a Delhi bus as long as it is not a must to travel with rude and unreasonable Delhi's autos and cabs. As for the shopping experience for my friends yesterday, that’s another story…

Indian Diaries: The Return Journey

As I gulped my last sip of coffee sitting at a reclusive corner of Kiva Han, I realized that the holidays had finally arrived. It was 9 am on the fifteenth day of December and my flight left in another 7 hours from Pittsburgh. I could see some students running for their morning exam in haste. It was another day for most of the people in Pittsburgh but it seemed to me as though I was completing a full circle. I was going back to the planet I had come from. Planet India- an unique place where 1,100,000,000 brown people coming from scores of faiths and religions reside in an almost unbelievable harmony and run a so-called system called democracy. Yes, I had turned pseudo racist but it had more to do with me not trying to think of the good days than forgetting my planet.

***********************************************************

Bachu called up in sometime and trooped to my place along with Alhad. My place was a mess but Bachu found some place on my Baca lounger somehow. The packing was done in no time and we sat down with some of my home and college videos -almost forgotten treasures I had never looked at in the past 16 months. Everything was coming back-home, Ma, family, food, my room, my college, my farewell. Small creatures with big hearts I had left back when my shuttle took off from planet India. After finishing off the last bit of the ice cream at my place, both Bachu and Alhad left too. I felt like crying but could not. Bachu had summed it up aptly- the three of us had fallen into some sort of relationship.

***********************************************************

Nicole called and said she would be there by 2. My flight was to leave at 3:45 pm and I felt it was cutting too close even with her self proclaimed ‘nice-and-smooth-driving’. The night before she had treated me to some snacks and red wine at her place and I did not turn down her offer for a drive to the airport. She is such a darling that when I say good things about her I am conscience of the fact that she does take them as someone hitting “upon” (yes, it should be ‘on’ but she likes it that way) her. All incoming calls were rejected on the way. One last hug was all I took back for the next month.

************************************************************

The flight to Chicago was delayed by 45 minutes. I was sleepy, making last minute calls to as many friends as possible. It wasn’t long after I fastened my seat belt that my sleep deprived eyes shut off. I grudgingly walked out of the plane at Chicago- feeling dizzy and tired. After traveling on a shuttle to the international terminal, standing at the AI counter for an eternity, forced to take my clothes off and getting my carry-on bag hand checked twice and almost forgetting to collect my laptop, Mandeep and I finally reached our departure gate. I dozed off immediately. Mandeep woke me up in sometime to inform that we were on the wrong gate. Thank God he was awake and so were my hopes of reaching India. As I reached the correct gate, there was a sea of humanity. Wow, so many Indians!!! Children, students, wives, oldies, North Indians, South Indians, Gujjus, Punjabis, Bongs and thrown in between them were some harried Americans trying to check the baggage, AGAIN!!! I mean, it was insane. One last message to Nicole, call to Sachin and home, and I was walking towards the plane.

*************************************************************

The seats inside the plane could easily have been from the 70s. The plane looked more like a refurbished 3AC railways coach from India than an international carrier. The air hostesses were way beyond their expiry dates and greeted the passengers with folded hands and a shut mouth. I mean, come on. You’d expect them to say a word or two-a Namaste, Hello, or anything. But the trained-to-be-dumb hostesses did not utter a word. The next shocker was that there was no plasma screen at every seat. Seeing me surprised, Mandeep questioned what carrier I had flown the last time. British Airways- that answered it.

“What choices do you have for dinner?”

“Vegan and non-vegan!”

“No, I mean- continental, Indian, Chinese?”

“Yes, we have continental”.

“And Indian?”

“Yes, we have that too.”

“What’s in non vegan Indian food?”

Turning towards Mandeep, the man spoke , “Tell him”.

Tell him? What was the man expecting- he asked Mandeep to tell me what he had to serve me? How ridiculous!! AI was just loosing my next trip and any advantage it had being my national carrier.

“Dude, this is the Chicago-London leg. Wait till tomorrow. They will bloody talk in Hindi and be ignorant once no firang (foreigner) is on board”.

True, Mandeep paaji.

Not once was my call for the airhostess answered. I was not given a shawl and Mandeep was gracious enough to lend his one to me. More was in store during the flight, but forget it, no more Air India now!!

************************************************************

“All crew, prepare for landing”.

I was there. 3:24 am, December 17 2006. One year 4 months and 10 days. The movie had just begun...

The 0630 Coffee

He was my cream, and I was his coffee - And when you poured us together, it was something. ~Josephine Baker
*******************************************************

"Sure, why not? I am falling asleep anyways. Better do it with my stomach full!!"

I always prided myself of not eating out too much in Pittsburgh. My friends were amazed last semester when I asked them where 'Lulu's', the famous Chinese restaurant one could almost smell from the INI, was? On one of the rare occasions when I said yes to eating out immediately, my eyes were half shut. Sometime last month, grad school had kept me up for another night and it was 6:30 in the morning when some of the insomniacs at INI asked if I was interested in having breakfast. I surely was hungry. As Zain explained how the croisan was the best thing at Kiva Han, the nearest breakfast place open that early, we were greeted by a huge contagious smile of the young, slim, white girl present at the counter (yeah, I did notice her tight body almost half asleep at the most unearthly hour). And thus I was introduced to the latest craze in my life- breakfast with hot coffee at 0630 hours.

I was only too happy to order a chocolate croisan and coffee. The croisan was delicious but the coffee was exactly what I needed. It was relaxing to take a break from work, sip warm coffee and watch the sun pop out from behind the old buildings of Carnegie Mellon. Somehow the combined effect of the aroma, the strong and fresh taste and the warmth had managed to open my mind to yet another beautiful day in Pittsburgh this winter.

A couple of breakfast trips later in the week confirmed the fact that I was falling in love with having breakfast that early. Since the past two weeks, I have been procastrinating and pushing myself to be up all night at INI-all for the morning coffee and croisan.

Last Friday night, after a great dinner-movie-booze-more booze-and a lot more booze schedule, I was chatting with a female friend from CMU. Sometime around 5 am both of us decided to watch a movie together at my office in INI. I had never walked from home to INI in cold. But 2 days back I did- in snow, at 5 am- keeping in mind that the morning breakfast is not too far off. After watching the movie, we hung out for more than 2 hours at Kiva-chatting, laughing, getting serious, joking, sharing, enjoying the morning sun- all over the huge mug of coffee. I counted 5 CMU shuttles pass by- a testimony of the quantum of time spent over breakfast.

Today Megan- 23, a Pitt student- greeted Kumar and myself at the counter an hour back. I was getting impatient after 6am and ran out as soon as I watched the clock strike 0630. Couple of bagels and a huge coffee have made me highly energetic to smash off the telecom report due later this evening. I am falling in love- with the place, early morning chat, the lost concept of breakfast, watching the sun come up, the fresh looking face at the counter and most importantly, the brilliant coffee.

Did I hear someone say that I can't wake up in the mornings?

Columbus discovers India

The number of days to India is now in single digits. Life is full of disenchantment. People are now irrelevant. Beauty does not enthuse me. Cold is not a factor when going out in a T shirt. The mind refuses to think. Everything I left behind me is coming back, again. 16 months of non involvement in other's lives is coming to an end.
I am sure I would love the 'bugging' questions relatives ask, the constant noise at home, someone else cooking and cleaning, a car to drive and just being back home again. Its a different world altogether and my mind needs to swap the environmental settings in less than a week now. Compare IIT Delhi, Aurobindo Marg, Ma, Baba, friends, noise, pollution, millions of brown colored people, ramshackled DTC buses, auto rickshaws, PVR Cinemas, Barista, Modern School, Delhi Metro, HOME---against---CMU, INI, snow, Church, Nicole, Ash, Jon, Eric, Evan, Zain, desi junta, booze, Waterfront, Craig Street, Hummer, Washington DC, Steelers, interviews, stress and yet AMERICA. Life is at a dichotomous stage and only time will tell how I feel when the Captain orders to fasten the seatbelts over Delhi airspace next weekend. This Columbus is coming back to India.

Guest Column (I)

A friend of mine asked me to write about the thanksgiving night get together we had. Great food at Evan's place, bowling thereafter, couple of movies, senti talking, morning breakfast, no sleep and a lot of other things. Too much for a descriptive person like me to write. Hence, I invited him to write an article which I would 'host'. A new concept for me, I should say. This space has been mine and would be mine. But it never hurts to have people jump out from the comments section once in a while and start talking on your front page. So here goes his version of the events..

***************************************************

We all need mirrors to remind ourselves who we are… I am no different.

So it turns out I have to write some stuff for this friend of mine who wants me to be a “guest writer” on his blog. Hmm… guest writer…not quite my niche, but hey, when has that ever bothered me? One of my favorite movies actually had this line that went like… “Life is a box of chocolates… you never know what you gonna get”. So lets see… here goes something.

One question that naturally comes to mind when we are talking about “guest” writers, is the issue of who the “host” is. Well let’s see... Not too far away lies a big fat guy, with a big fat beard, with a big fat ego, with a big fat mouth and yet a big fat heart, who actually considers me a “bro”! So this other day I am talking to him and make a remark as to how fake he is. Then all hell breaks loose. This sonovabitch turns totally honest (kinda freaked me out). And henceforth follows a very interesting conversation.

Have you ever tried to find the meaning of life, love and religion? If you did try, and didn’t get too far, then you need not worry. Mr. Host has got all the answers! (atleast most of them). So its 2 in the morning, and there are 3 of us trying to figure out what the hell is going on. It turns out, one of us is agnostic, another one atheist, while the other is religious. Holy shit… what a predicament! So here’s the difference in opinion… the atheist thinks God is just another tool to explain the inexplicable, the agnostic thinks God is a means to achieve mental peace through the belief of a concept that is too abstract to be true, while the religious one thinks God is the source of all our feelings, strengths, and life overall. Hmm… that sounds pretty neat. The religious one asks the atheist whether he has ever considered a new approach…in other words…tried to keep some faith in a concept called God. To fully understand the implication of this we really need to get into the atheist’s mind. Here’s how the atheist thinks…if the very premise is non belief in God or any supernatural being, then how can one ever even try to take a different approach. The fact is that it becomes next to impossible to force someone to believe in something that would make the very premise change. If your premise says that the summation of 2 and 2 gives 4, then it becomes pretty damn difficult to convince you to abandon that premise and make you believe that the summation actually gives 5 and not 4. Yeah, sure…one may try…and try…and try… and try till the day he dies…but the premise stays the same… 2+2= 4 != 5. What’s funny is that it is possible to even fool yourself to change the premise, but deep deep down, nothing changes.

Likewise, the atheist asks the religious one whether he would like to consider abandoning God (a different approach)… Now there lies the premise. When the premise is so strong that you base your entire life around it, change is not exactly the easiest option around. So the atheist and religious one hold fort. The agnostic still remains in the ever confusing world of questioning. Is there a God, or is there no God? How the hell does it matter? What matters is that you stick to what you believe in, and don’t force your ideas on others. See, the moment you start forcing an idea on others, it means those ideas and dogmas are at the risk of perishing (and that goes for both sides). For the atheist nothing could be more true than the what Karl Marx had summed up in a beautiful line… “Religion is the sigh of the oppressed creature, the heart of a heartless world, & the soul of soulless conditions. It is the opium of the people”. Hmm…opium of the people… you feelin’ high already?

So the conversation moves to other stuff… for instance LOVE. Ok, now…what could possibly be wrong with LOVE?… oh boy… a lot actually. It turns out again that it all depends on the premise itself. Here’s what happened. The agnostic thinks that love is actually a convenience. In other words, there’s no such act which can be described as a selfless act. If X loves Y, it’s because X needs Y. Hence X is selfish. So is love a selfish need? A convenience? What’s amazing is that, this is just one point of view. Here’s another one. The atheist thinks that love is merely a feeling one has no control over. So now we move from selfish needs/convenience to feelings. So are all feelings selfish in nature? That is the real question. What makes those feelings? Here’s the way the agnostic likes to look at it. We all have certain characteristics, features, or qualities. At the same time, we are all are compatible with a certain set of qualities. Think of it as pre-requisites to arouse any feelings whatsoever. The concept is that once those priorities and pre-requisites are met, one eventually starts needing them. It is this state of mind, or feeling that we define as love. Hmm… so after all, love is just not a convenience. It is a feeling aroused simply because some priorities were met. That is how we end up caring for someone. In the process of loving and hence caring for someone, we are actually caring for our own selfish needs. So the atheist quickly points out to the agnostic that this line of thought would only be true if we believe in the philosophy of the self only. Philosophy can predominantly be categorized into 2 types…one where an individual believes in the self and the world around it. The other would be where the individual believes in the self only. What makes this conversation more interesting is that the religious one is actually a person who might believe in the former line of thought (the self and the world) . So here comes the question from religious one… Is it possible to feel love without having any “pre requisites” met? Good point. Is it possible to care for someone without having any selfish needs. It turns out it all depends on the philosophy itself. If you only believe in the self, then the answer is NO. If you believe in the self and the world around it, then the answer is yes. Its just 2 sides to the same coin. Bottom-line is that love is either one of the 2 depending on who you are… for one person love is a feeling with no basic origin or premise, while for the other, love is merely a compromise… and bloody highly overrated.

6 AM… that’s the time. Spent 4 hours listening to people etch out their perspectives, while making my own heard. Neat… time for some tea. So we have Mr. Soon to be drunk wake up from his short lived sleep and order him to make some tea for us. The bitch goes to work immediately and makes some amazing tea. Seriously, I really mean it. Some really nice tea. “He” would make a good wife. What follows next is a flurry of laughter and jokes. Pictures from a recent potluck party are taken out… and there’s not a soul in those pictures who hasn’t been humiliated by Mr. Religious (no pun intended). If only there was some telepathic way by which the cartoons in those pictures could hear what was being said about them!!! Well… too bad…Chomu.

Soon, daylight breaks… and it’s a brand new day. A really interesting day lay ahead of us…

People start their regular “workouts”… some pushups here and there… wait wait wait… hold on…this really deserves another write up… so I guess I will write about this next time…

(to be continued…)

Guest Writer signing off…

With a song… its called Hey God…

Hey God

Hey god, I'm feeling like I'm falling apart.
Yet I have started to believe in myself more this time around.
Hey god, are you trying there, trying just like me?
or do you just look good enough trying to mock me down?
Hey fuck, would you consider this to be my gain?
Is this okay if I try and fuck everything the same?
Bad luck, you counted on me, and this is all you gain, all the pain.
I know, fight back, do nothing and it's all the same.
Hey god, feeling like myself again.
For once, come around and start to feel my pain.
Do you think you could make me hurt anymore?
Do you think I would give a fuck anymore?
Hey fuck, would you consider this to be my gain?
Is this okay if I try and fuck everything the same?
Bad luck, you counted on me, and this is all you gain, all the pain.
I know, fight back, do nothing and it's all the same

***********************************************

Juggler

You are like a juggler, who has to keep five balls in the air.

Four balls are glass and the fifth is rubber. The glass balls are your family, health, friends and spirit. The rubber ball is your work. If a glass ball falls, it will crack beyond repair. If the rubber ball falls, it will bounce back, if not tomorrow, then in a few months.

Its the myopic view of people which forces them into making work their world. Get out of INI. Throw away the books. Sometimes, let the rubber ball fall. Sometimes, let the soul float!

Almost heaven, west virginia
Blue ridge mountains, shenandoah river
Life is old there, older than the trees
Younger than the mountains, blowing like a breeze

Country roads, take me home
To the place, I be-long
West virginia, mountain momma
Take me home, country roads

All my memories, gather round her
Miners lady, stranger to blue water
Dark and dusty, painted on the sky
Misty taste of moonshine, teardrop in my eye

Country roads, take me home
To the place, I be-long
West virginia, mountain momma
Take me home, country roads

I hear her voice, in the mornin hours she calls to me
The radio reminds me of my home far a-way
And drivin down the road I get a feeling
That I should have been home yesterday, yesterday

Country roads, take me home
To the place, I be-long
West virginia, mountain momma
Take me home, country roads
*************************************************************************************

Thanksgiving night, 2006: Two men outside the Giant Eagle super store were heard singing this song couple of nights back. Around mid night not many people were to be seen shopping. Still, the two men sang on. Without any care of the world. Probably drunk. Probably happy. Probably sad. Probably just singing for the heck of it. Who knows?

One of them, a tall white blonde, was strumming the acoustic guitar while a brown man with oversized hair stood company. The guitar case was open and, as the norm is, they seemed to be begging for alms.

The look of the brown man is worth describing. Long haired, with sun glasses (in the middle of the night!) and wearing a long red robe capable of easily hiding a gun. His facial hair closely resembled that of a person from the Muslim community. A suspicious cop comes around. Stands close for a moment. The white guy looks into his eyes and half smiles. Reassured, the cop leaves.

Cellphone rings.

"Where are you guys?"

"Giant Eagle!! Come over.."

Within no time, two girls joined them at the 'begging spot'. Three of them sung another song while one of the girls stood guard. Maybe ashamed of such public display of talent. Maybe because 'big' people are not supposed to beg for alms. The first girl threw in a dime as charity!

The two beggars are graduate students at Carnegie Mellon. Both of them probably having a good time after couple of drinks at a party. The brown guy had never begged on the streets before and this seemed to be an ideal setting for him to try something new. One has the option of making pit stops during the great journey called Life. To stop, see, grasp and enjoy the smaller-easier-to-miss events en route to higher posts. Small incidents like these remain embedded in memory, FOREVER.

ps: In order of appearance-->Blonde white man: Evan Wright, Brown man: Ujjwal Moitra, Two girls: Ashley and Nicole.

I have not been able to sleep before 6 am and get up before 3 pm since the past three days.

Watched the annual soft porn movie in CMU, "Lord of the G Strings". I was so tired with life that half way through my hot chocolate I fell asleep. When my friends woke me up and we got out before the movie finished, the girl at the ticket counter asked, " How was the movie?". What does one say to that? And that too when I had barely seen it. "Too much of lesbian stuff! Not my taste". The adjoining table had two chicks distributing condoms to anyone interested. Back in INI, Kumar asked what's a G string in the kitchen infront of a bunch of girls. Hmm..

Attended a wonderful pre thanksgiving dinner hosted by Nicole for me and Jon. I did not know chicken could be cooked with pineapple salsa. Next up, thanksgiving lunch with Evan and family.

Evan, Rio and I stood at Fifth and Morewood for two hours in the middle of the night until the cold forced us into INI. Why? Just chilling, talking about stuff.

Met Trevor. Nice guy. Less than rough on the edges than one would assume.

Went bowling with a bunch of friends last wednesday night. Third in the first round but sucked balls in the second game.

Some anonymous person (from INI?) has been posting sarcastic hate comments on my blog. I will publish the comments only if he/she talks to me.

I like one thing about people in this country. If the dinner is at 7:30 pm, one is not expected to come in before that. If you are running late by more than 10 mins, better inform the host!

New York-ed

November 9, 2006 1:45 pm
La Guardia Airport, New York

“Sir, I hate to interrupt but the direct exposure of your screen to sunlight might not be ideal for the laptop.”

As I took out my iPod earplugs and made myself comfortable on the seat adjacent to a fellow co passenger, I was conscience of the fact that it was an unusually warm November afternoon in New York. The co passenger appreciated my concern and after a small talk on the recent recall of batteries by Dell, he collected his stuff and left for his boarding lounge.

Coming back to New York and its heat, it is a humongous city. It would be perfectly safe to assume that I have never seen anything bigger and dense in all of the past 23 years. I spent the last 50 hours or so in this city of financial firms, arts, fashion, technology and everything imaginable under the sun. Coming for an interview, it can be an overwhelming experience for a small town person like me. All this when I was born and brought up in New Delhi and currently stay in the second largest city in Pennsylvania.

Looking outside the sun lit glass window in terminal C1 right now, I can see jets scramble for parking space and a huge busy airport thereafter. Life in New York can be amazingly similar to Mumbai or Delhi except for the skyscrapers carefully planted within Manhattan. As I look back at the past two days, I just want to get back to Pittsburgh at the earliest. To people I know. To my office in INI. To the Sunday church. To the grueling classes. To wearing the CMU sweatshirt all the time. To LIFE.

************************************************************************
November 7, 2006 12:55 pm
La Guardia Airport, New York

“Hey. Are you from CMU?”

These were my first words on the tarmac to the girl coming out of the plane behind me. My gut somehow told me that I had seen her in CMU sometime. Standing 10 feet away from the cockpit of the plane, I could see her expression change on hearing this question.

“Yeah. Why?”

“Nothing in particular! I believe I’ve seen you in CMU. I ‘m Ujjwal from the INI”.

“Indrani. ISPM”.

Relief was posted all over her face. As the initial skepticism melted away, Citlalli, Indrani and I boarded a cab to Crown Plaza at Time Square.

I had never been to New York before. All of what I had seen was through the media and movies. My enthusiasm on reading familiar signboards of which one listens to since childhood- Brooklyn, Manhattan, Time Square, and Grand Central- was akin to a child on his first picnic. As we approached the river, I saw the Manhattan skyline for real.

“This place is so much like Delhi. I don’t believe this. This is not that impressive at all”.

Indrani looked at me in utter disbelief. She is born and brought up in New Jersey and hence found my comparison hilarious. I did not compare the sky liners to Delhi but the area right across East Side. And even the lower buildings in Manhattan. Apparently, there are many old industries in New York. And I felt as though I was passing through Chirag Dilli and Nehru Place. Blame me for being a Delhi-ite to the core.

***********************************************************************
November 7, 2006 2:30 pm
Crown Plaza, New York

Crown Plaza was five star, as expected. It was located 30 seconds by walk from Times Square. As I looked out of my window on the 25^th floor, I had a feeling of content run across my heart. Not intending to sound haughty, I realized that I was the first in my family to look down on the great New York City. The roads were choked, the cabs moving at snail’s pace. Most people walked fast. Time Square had many big billboards constantly displaying ads of biggest of the great companies to dot capitalist America.

I opened my laptop and started working on my telecom submission due later that evening. Yeah, can you take that? In New York for the first time and I had no choice but to work. I was working constantly since the previous night- all night, in the flight and at the airport. It was time to finish it.

************************************************************************
November 7, 2006 5:30 pm
Times Square, New York

“If you stand at Times square for a minute, you would be able to see faces from all nationalities. Feel it and keep your ears open. You would hear majority of the languages spoken across the world”.

My friend from INI smiled at me. She had been to New York and Times Square with Eric before and probably I was sounding a little more-than-usual-excited as we walked on the side way. Most people overtook us in their haste to reach somewhere on time. I strolled as the world passed me. It felt like drinking water from the hose of a fire tanker. Stopping at the middle of Broadway Street, I wondered why it should not be renamed Timeless Square. It just felt great. Boards proclaiming Nasdaq, Yahoo, Ernst and Young, Hard Rock Café and Samsung stood out. I missed my family and promised myself to get them to that place someday soon.

************************************************************************
November 7, 2006 7:30 pm
Croton Reservoir Tavern, New York

“This is the man you should be talking to!”

As Jeffery, a very senior manager introduced me to members of the Advanced Security Centre during the pre night social, he had raised the bar for me before the team. I was tired to socialize and smile too much. Not sleeping the last night and working relentlessly on the submission had not helped matters either. But this was the place where the best consultants in the world had converged. It was both an interesting and humbling experience to meet such experienced people. Later in the evening, I met Varun and Rajat- two high school friends. Everything was perfect. Well, almost! Great school and education-a wonderful job and amazing city-friends from school and by God’s grace everything was fine back home. A thought which I have been nurturing recently flashed my mind again – it was high time I started looking for someone special in life soon to complete the last edge of the self coined “pentagon of happiness”.

************************************************************************
November 8, 2006 2:30 pm
Ernst and Young Global Headquarters, 5 Times Square, New York

“Tell me about one person in your life whom you have met recently and one who impressed you. What measures, if any, did you take to know this person better? Were these measures effective? What qualities of the person were you most attracted towards?”

After the team challenge in the morning, lunch and one round of interview, the second question thrown to me in the second round of interviews completely bamboozled me. As I urged my already tired brain to look for a suitable person and started forming a sketchy genesis of my answer, I hit a roadblock. The only person who had really impressed me in the recent past for whom I made an effort to know more about was Nicole. Considering it was a professional interview I was sitting in, it did not make sense to talk about personal life. The interviewer must have been expecting something from school or the professional world. Hmm..search search search! 1 result found. Nicole. I clicked on the ‘I’m feeling lucky’ icon mentally and still I could not move beyond Nicole. The interviewer’s eyes were fixed on me while I tried to look at the whiteboard behind him and think of something suitable.

I smiled. The other side of the table was cold. The gesture was not reciprocated. I was loosing the grip on the interview. At that moment, I decided I should speak of whoever I could think of.

“Sir, you probably would not be expecting such an answer but I cannot think of anyone else right now matching the question you asked. There is this girl I met some time back...”

“Let’s not discuss anything sexual”.

Cutting me short before I could go on, the interviewer’s remark came without him batting an eyelid. I had been attacked and if I did not defend myself and win this battle, my chances of winning the war seemed dim. And I found it a little strange for him to assume the sexual inclination of my answer.

“Sir, this is completely asexual and has nothing to do with a girl meets boy thing”.

I went on to give him an answer which would have made most people ashamed of presuming something sexual at the mention of a girl. I was not too comfortable discussing that question anyways and we moved onto the next one quickly. I had managed to hold fort!

************************************************************************
November 8, 2006 4:30 pm
Ernst and Young Global Headquarters, 5 Times Square, New York

“There is good news and bad news. The bad news is only for the people of Pittsburgh. Your flights are either cancelled or are running really late”.

All of the CMU people except for one had to stay back for the night. I was happy that the weather had earned me another night at Times Square. It was raining cats and dogs but New York was as busy as ever. It reminded me of the term coined by the Indian media: “The Mumbai Spirit”. People were running at their usual pace albeit holding an umbrella or wearing a rain jacket.

We had dinner at a Pakistani restaurant called Kashmir and headed straight back to the Park Central booked by E and Y. Switching on the TV and making myself comfortable on the spongy bed, the big news was the resignation of the Secretary of Defense, Donald Rumsfeld. Frustrated by the slow speed of the wireless internet, I decided to finally call it a day. As the big lights outside the window blinked relentlessly, I snuggled up in the bed sheet bracing myself for another tough month ahead in school.

************************************************************************
November 9, 2006 3:30 pm
La Guardia Airport, New York

As my flight takes off from the runway while I complete this sentence, I can see deep blue water on my left and Manhattan on my right. It’s a clear day with bright sunlight. I wonder where the WTC once stood.

A strange mixture of feelings is trespassing my jungle of thought- how much in life is enough? Having seen New York, I wonder where would I be drawing the line? Although it is way too early in my career, I want to constantly remind myself of my resolve to return to India. The question is: when, where and how? We shall find out…

Why?

• Why do I have to stay away to get close to someone?
• Why are decisions which are meant to bring better things in life always end up being painful?
• Why is it difficult to express myself where I should?
• Why do I spew it 'in-the-face' when I should hold myself back?
• Why is there racism in this world?
• Why is it a big deal to go out with someone from outside my nationality/color/religion?
• Why does being open make one vulnerable to contempt in certain situations?
• Why does going to Church imply that I should believe in Jesus? Or that I am moving away from "my religion"?
• Why am I in a country where I only have work friends?
• Why am I fighting in life and how long would I survive?
• Why am I even writing all this?
  

Best 'In-Love' Song Ever

Look into my eyes - you will see
What you mean to me
Search your heart - search your soul
And when you find me there you'll search no more

Don't tell me it's not worth tryin' for
You can't tell me it's not worth dyin' for
You know it's true
Everything I do - I do it for you

Look into your heart - you will find
There's nothin' there to hide
Take me as I am - take my life
I would give it all - I would sacrifice

Don't tell me it's not worth fightin' for
I can't help it - there's nothin' I want more
Ya know it's true
Everything I do - I do it for you

There's no love - like your love
And no other - could give more love
There's nowhere - unless you're there
All the time - all the way

Oh - you can't tell me it's not worth tryin' for
I can't help it - there's nothin' I want more
I would fight for you - I'd lie for you
Walk the wire for you - ya I'd die for you

Ya know it's true
Everything I do - I do it for you

We live in a divided world. However much one tries to plug the cultural gap, the cracks would always remain. Thats the way it has been and thats the way it shall be! Point granted, Sachin.

It's not worth the time and energy to prove pre established notions wrong. People in different parts of the world think differently. Rather than being disappointed with this fact its easier to accept it and move on.

Last night, Halloween was both fun and disappointing. Everyone was dressed up beautifully. Eric-the priest; Argyro-the slutty nun; Ujjwal-King Tutankhamen; Adam-the army man; Laura- the sailor; Evan-the Ninja; Nick- the Pirate; Alex- the Steeler fan. Good times.

As a matter of fact, I remember every word, conversation, action etc even if I am drunk. Does that happen to other people too? And thats not good coz people expect you to forget about it. People tell you things which they otherwise would not want you to know. People ask questions they dare not ask casually. They behave in a fashion different from the way they would if you were sobre. Its to do with the stigma society attaches to drunk people. Looking back and thinking about it hurts.

Couple of memorable quotes again from both sides of the fence:

"Man, it does not help being an ass licker to white girls".
-- A white male friend from INI

One day:
"Girls like the chase. If someone says too many good things about me, I would not look at him".

Another day:
"I like it when someone says good things about me. It makes you feel wanted".
--A white female friend on two different occasions

Its difficult understanding people.

The Cat and Mouse Game

"When I want to work, I start ignoring people (Laugh)! I dont like to be available all the times".

Before I jump to what this entry is about, let me share a story. When I was in primary school one of the first lessons I learnt was about the shepherd and his herd of sheep. One fine day in the field, the shepherd started howling, "Tiger! Tiger! Somebody save my sheep." Hearing him, all the villagers came running with their sticks and sickle. Not finding any tiger on the spot, the villagers turned to the shepherd who was laughing his heart out. "Its fine. I was just playing a prank!". A few days later, the shepherd repeated his act. Again, the villagers were disappointed and went back cursing him. One fine day, when the tiger actually came, no villager turned up on hearing the shepherd.

********************************************************************************

October 23, 10 pm: I had an amazingly bad day and was standing at Neville street waiting for the elusive state transport bus to turn up and take me to the comforts of my home. The flurries did not make the wait any better. As I braved the snow shaking my hands vigorously, I recalled that Ashley had asked me if the CMU library would be open tonight. I took out my phone and texted her asking what she was upto and if she was at Hunt Library. She was! But she was busy. Thats fine, I wondered. Since I had already been through an exceptionally bad day, it was worth walking to Hunt to say hi.

As I walked in the cold, my fingers froze while constantly texting her on my way. As I reached Hunt, I picked up 'India Today' and went looking for Ashley. After scanning through three floors and not able to locate her, I decided it was high time I got back home. And then I saw her! After the hug, I pulled up a chair besides her, plugged in my iPod, blasted 'Kajrare' into my ears and sat down reading how the Mumbai blast case was solved? Meanwhile, Ashley introduced me to her room mate. First thought: do all the beautiful girls in Pittsburgh stay in the same house?:P. Since Ash was to drop me home now, at about 11:30pm both of us started walking towards her car.

As she dropped me home she promised to call me the next day. This was 15 minutes from my 23rd birthday. Wondering why she did not wish me then and there, I walked away feeling a little weird. "Ask Nicole to call me". Fine! As I knocked on Nicole's apartment, I could hear her talk to someone. But she did not answer the door. Weird! I texted her. Walked into Aditya's place and came out in 5 minutes to my place.

As I took out keys from my jeans and put them on the table, I wondered if I would be with a living soul when it strikes 12. Sachin was in INI and in all probability would not have known it was my birthday. As I sat down with my laptop on the recliner, I gazed thoughtlessly at the Thinkpad starting up slowly- an appropriate end to an aweful day. The machine needed a restart. Just when it was around 11:55, Nicole called. My first instinct was not to answer the call. Yet, I did. Nicole cannot lie to me anymore. She was asking where I was and how my day was? Basically, abstract shit! As I walked to her place and knocked on the door again, she replied saying she could not open the door.

"Why?", I retorted.

"Coz I am naked!".

Looking back now, how did I not say something nasty on hearing that is beyond me. Lol. But I politely asked her to put some clothes on and open the door. I stood outside her place for about three more minutes.

Someone came to the door and was opening it from inside. I walked closer to get in. As the door opened, it was one of those moments when one does not know what to say, do or how to react. It was Ashley!! What was going on? Before my mind could decipher, my eyes saw her standing with a huge cake with many candles burning on top. My brain stopped working by this moment. The eyes saw Nicole standing with a birthday card in one hand and Simon in the other . The ears could hear both of them sing "Happy Birthday to you". I froze and barely managed to smile. I guess this was the first time someone had played such a big prank on me. All my life, its been the other way round. Since the eyes and the ears took most of my processing power, my vocal chords were ordered to 'shut up' for some time.

Thank you both of you. I imagine Ash managed to pull this one off with Nicole the way we did it on her birthday earlier in the week. And in a bigger and better fashion.

I called some of my neighbours to have some of the cake. As I watched them getting acquainted with their other neighbour-Nicole, I felt at peace. This was really the first time someone got a cake for me without me getting to know of it. I felt like the rat who turned the wrong corner this time around and walked straight into the trap set by the cat.

The next evening I got bashed up in INI. Most of the kicks were bearable but the hits with the pool stick have left big marks on my body- which is still hurting very bad. I guess that took off some of my otherwise cheerful and sporting mood.

**********************************************************************************

October 25 8:25 am: As I walked to my place after a whole night spent at INI, I saw Nicole's car parked in the parkway. I texed her if she would like to have some breakfast. No reply. But I could hear her phone ringing standing outside my place. Feeling tired, I fell asleep on the recliner. Got up in the evening and ran for class. Nicole's place was closed then. Must be in class or something, I wondered. After class, I went running to the gym and was back by around 10 pm. Still Nicole's place was locked and the lights were off. I texed her if everything was fine. No reply. Hmm, that was unusual. She is not the type who would go out on parties on weekdays. And I did not know of any of her plans to visit family. As I walked by a third time, I could hear Simon crying inside.

Post dinner, it was past 11:30 pm in the night and I started worrying for Nicole's safety. I could hear her phone ring at her place. I called Ash to check if she knew where she was? But she confirmed my fears by mentioning that Nicole had not replied to her text either. If Nicole did not reply to me, thats palatable. But not replying to Ash? No way! May be she had left it in there by mistake. But, where was she? Her car was parked in the parkway at the same spot since morning and thats when Ash decided to come over with keys to her place.

"Ujjwal, pray for her".

I was standing outside in the cold wondering if 911 would have to be called soon? I peeped into the car from outside. It seemed fine. I tried knocking on Nicole's door and only Simon replied with his cries. The next 20 minutes were spending walking desparately outside in the lobby. Should I call the emergency number given by the housing management company? Should i call Jon? At that moment, waiting for Ash seemed to be the best idea.

I was still outside apartment 15 when Ash turned up. Getting inside the apartment, I opened the lights tentatively. Thank God, I did not see a body! I was really fearing for the worst when Ash walked into Nicole's bedroom. Would she be just lying there? Had she not woken up since last night? As Ash switched on the light in the bedroom, she found Nicole's cell phone but no sign of Nicole. Simon was excited to see some sign of activity after long. I served him some water. Poor chap must have been alone since I did not know when. Ashley started calling people from Nicole's phone believing they might be knowing where our friend was? Anga did not pick up. Sachin came to ask if there was any progress in the search. Negative. As we were scratching our heads for the next action, someone came up the stairs.

"What are you doing in my apartment?".

I did not even bother answering the question directed towards me. It was Nicole. As I looked at her from top to bottom to see if she was molested/hurt/sick or anything bad in the world had happened to her. She seemed fine. It was past mid night. And there she was walking back easily after freaking the hell out of us. I was a little mad at her. Ash hugged her.

"I was studying in the library! I am just a little late and had forgotten my phone back home".

How simple. I dont even recall correctly what happened next. I was just happy to see her back safe. Ash and her roomie made an exit and I escorted them down. I apologized to Ash for raising a false alarm and thanked her for being there at such a short notice.

"Nicole, I am disappointed in you". I really was. But not with her. It was more to do with the fear factor than anything else. I was still coming to terms with her being safe and sound. A small conversation followed while she had dinner. I had advised her a couple of days back against travelling alone at night without a car. But she still had.

And thats how we come back to the first line of the blog entry. How true!

"The next time you decide to cut yourself off, make sure you tell one of us". I walked out.

The next time I would not bother calling anyone and making a fool of myself post midnight. I guess it's better to leave people alone in this country with their busy schedules. I am not disappointed or bothered but just learning how to react in certain situations and that would involve controlling my 'too-caring-and-involved-in-other's-lives ' Indian instincts. I never seem to strike a balance between caring and disattachment in life. I am a little confused because that's the way I have been since the past 23 years but the past year or so has been a great leveller. Only time will tell if I win this Cat and Mouse game...