Rules of Engagement

(Fur: Night of July 22, 2006)

Just as I finished my last sip of beer standing on my balcony a minute before I started writing this post, watching the calm blue water of the swimming pool right beneath reflecting the shiny glass door gym, I heard someone shreak. It wasn't one of those which would alert somebody, but rather a short low pitch squeel. Thoughts of going to bed early vanished. The pattern was now continuous and I could clearly hear the lady either in the upper or the apartment below mine being pounded by her mate before another week of busy work.

It has been 11 weeks that I have been in Sterling for my internship and certainly I have had a good time learning a thing or two about the "weekends". As someone said yesterday, "Dude, the best thing to happen to me during my internship was that I discovered something great: WEEKENDS".

The weekends. They have been blessed. Most of the first part of my internship weekends were either spent home, visiting the museums in DC or just hanging out and eating good food. The latter half has been the one more interesting to talk about. I, alongwith a bunch of other enthusiasts, have visited every club and bar we heard of in the region. Sterling, Fairfax, DC: you name it and chances are we have hopped onto the best bar in the area. From Ned Devine in Sterling to Fur in DC, from Clarendon Ballroom in Arlington to Georgetown and Adam's Morgan. It has been high spirited, high voltage weekends. While the details of engagement should be withheld from a public blog, I shall try and recapitulate some of the worth-remembering-moments during the last few weekends.

July 22, Fur, Washington DC:

• "You have tinted glasses. Dont worry! The cops wont see the chicks when we get them back in the HUMMER": My friend trying to convince me to drive the Hummer to DC. It was scary to say the least. DC has narrow roads definitely not big enough for parallel parking with a Hummer. As I learnt the hard way, parking is expensive in a big nosed town like DC: $20 minimum. (Rule: Dont drive a big car to into a big city. You end up creating a big hole in your pocket)
  
• "What the hell are you doing here?": A CMU pass out on sighting me in the long queue outside the club. "Oh, of course, I came here to hear Nelson Mandela talk about world peace", I wondered. What the f*#k was he thinking? (Rule: Dont be ashamed of being spotted at odd places. The person spotting you is at the same place too)
  
• "Can I borrow a cigarette from you tonight?": A smashed, shit faced white fat lady to me. "Sure. Where do you want us to go?". I know, that was cheesy. I was drunk too. (Rule: Flirt!)
  
• "Hi. My name is Ujjwal...Ujjwal...Ujj--wal...Ooj..wall...alright...you can call me Uj": This has happened n number of times with loud music and drunk bitches. (Rule: My name is not easy for a person with Caucasian origins. Just say Uj)
  
• "No.": Innumerable girls to me. I dont know how many times though. It was a tough night. (Rule: In Hindi, they say,"Sau sunar ki ek lohar ki". In essence, wait for the right chance)
  
• "Is he gonna ask you out or just feast with his eyes, dumbass!": I overheard the girlfriend of the chick I was 'technically' dancing with. I mean, we were looking at each other and smiling but I was a new bee to clubbing. Shit, I so badly needed a wingman that night. (Rule: Take a wingman with you. If a girl is passing glances, be the MAN and let the wingman handle the other woman for you.)
  
• "Dont even think about her": A friend whispered when I looked with awe at another friend's sister and her bunch of girlfriends. (Rule: Family flirt is not a good idea)
  
• "Dude, she is looking at you. Go for her": Me telling one of my friends when one of the chicks from the Russian troop we were dancing with smiled at her. He asked her for a dance. "No. I'd prefer dancing alone." I dont get it. Why do girls dance alone and pass a smile? (Rule: Russian babes are over valued. Keep that in mind).
  
• "What the f*#k is that?": My friend commenting on my style of dancing. "Its called Bhangra. Come on, I'll teach you some steps". The steps are a hit now. (Rule: It does not matter how and what you dance as long as you end up enjoying yourself).
  
• "Dude. Dont worry. Three out of the five people in the car are virgins. We shall do something next weekend and you definitely are not going back the same way to Pittsburgh". Stuff being discussed on the way back. (Rule: Dont watch too much of American Pie :)).
  

July 23, Ned Devine, Sterling:

• "There is a bachelorate party going on inside": My friend, gasping for air, coming out of the club while we waited in the Hummer outside. (Rule: If you want to take your friends somewhere they dont wanna go, thats the golden line).
  
• "Hey! You dance good! From India?": Fishing. Bait not accepted. (Rule: Dont get local in the first shot. Stay global, talk English)
  
• "....mundian tu bachke rahee...": Me, shouting. The moment I went bezerk when the same song was played. Thats when a couple of chicks noticed my bhangra, as I would like to believe. As I danced, I did not have to speak. Just extended my hand to one beautiful babe standing at the corner and she came. My first one-on-one dance that night. (Rule: Actions speak louder than words).
• "Lets get out of here": Couple of chicks I wanted to dance with. Apparently I scared them with my huge-swing-of-the-arm-dance. (Rule: Dont overdo the bhangra. Take it easy. You are in America).
• "Will you buy me a drink? Ok. Let me finish this one.": Pre condition for me dancing with another one. (Rule: You have to spend some bucks. Think about it later in the week).
• "Oh, I am so drunk. Are you too? Want a cigarette?": A Persian chick dancing with me, falling on me rather, while lighting her cig. (Rule: Try not behaving as a drunk. Stay away from the lighted cig).
• "My friend can drop you in the Hummer. If you dont like that, I can drive you in the beamer.": My friend trying to hook up with some chick and her friends. This was the statement of the evening. I saw at least four heads turn at the same time when the Hummer and the Beamer were named in the same breath. (Rule: If you have IT, flaunt IT).
• "We...gooottaaa...geeeett..laiiddd...": 3 people almost rhiming and puking in my restroom. (Rule: Show the way to the toilet to your drunk friends).

July 30, Clarandon Ballroom, Arlington

• "Chance pe dance karo miyan"
: A friendly advice to make the most of the night. (Rule: Talk less. Think. Act more).
• "Let me have atleast two drinks, that will get me talking smoothly":
Me telling the same friend when he was pushing me to go for an Indian chick. Didn't work out. They walked out before I could approach them (Rule: Be spontaneous and dont make up stuff to boost your confidence. You either have it in you or you dont).
• "Hey. Would you like to join me on the dancefloor":
It worked remarkably well. I danced with this blonde for 3 hours thereafter. (Rule: Be direct. Be simple. Never underestimate the power of destiny. I could never have imagined myself dancing with such a beauty for that long. As they say, "Try and try again till you suceed").
• "Your ear rings are beautiful. I am Uj": Lesson learnt. No 'Ujjwal'. (Rule: Praise the girl. Dont be unrealistic).
• "You dance so well. Where are you from?" : Fishing. Bait accepted. (Rule: Talk sense. Talk easy. Though its hard to pretend for men, try not thinking too much about the big prize at the beginning of the conversation).
• "India is a beautiful country. It is a land where the people, color, language, topology, vegetation: everything changes every 300 kms. Its also the land of the Kamasutra. You should visit it once.": My cliched statement describing India. Its been the same since last August. (Rule: Mystify the place you are from. Create an air around you).
• "I have never dated an American girl hence I dont know when is she expecting to be kissed. So, let me know when you are ready.": Me to her. (Rule: Be honest. Be bold. Dont be uncomfirtably aggresive though).
• "Dont worry. She is perfectly safe dancing with me.": I tried convincing some of her other friends who were concerned about her dancing with me. (Rule: Make her feel safe)
• "If you feel uncomfirtable by what I am doing, let me know. Turn to the other side when I say so": My line to make her at ease with what we were upto on the dancefloor. No details. (Rule: Let her know that you are a decent guy and move onto the next sentence. Dont think too much into what she might be thinking about you, though, have a good presence of mind).
• "You are such a gentleman": Her sentence before the kiss. (Rule: None. You learn kissing with experience :)).
  
• "Would you like to see the Udvar Hazy Air and Space Museum? Its got the SR 71 lined up there. Here, this is my card. Gimme a call if you'd like to hangout sometime in the next two weeks. Whats your number?": Self explainatory. (Rule: There is no point investing time in somebody if you dont exchange phone numbers).
• "I'll dance with him. See you later": No. That was not for me. She told this to another guy who was wanting to dance with her when I went to get a drink for her. It felt great at that moment. (Rule: Keep the drinks flowing).
  
• "So you have a boyfriend in San Diego. I guess distance relationships are tough. I know how it feels": KLPD. She had a BF. But as long as she was in my arms, I was perfectly fine with it. (Rule: Associate with every feeling of her. 'I know, thats right, true, awesome, sounds like a plan, i can understand...'. Keep these on your tongue).
• "I wish you all the best, and yeah, gimme a call sometime": The parting line. (Rule: Always end on a happy and optimistic note).
• "Man. She flowed. She was awesome. Did you see me with her?": Thoughts on the way back. (Rule: Do not think too much about one chick you met when she was drunk. They come and go. Sad, but true).
  

July 31, Georgetown

• "You want to place a $20 bet?":
The person I challenged in the club for a game of pool. (Rule: Challenge drunk people for games before you get drunk. I won).
• "Oh you are so cute.":
A white girl squeezing my right....hmm........mmm......... cheek :). She was drunk and fell on my back while I was playing. (Rule: Let the girl touch you whenever she wants to).
• "I am from India too. Muuuaaaahhh!!":
A free peck on the cheek. The same girl, saying she was from India (Mumbai). Imagine, she was that drunk. She even got an Indian looking ABCD who said she worked in Mumbai for 6 months on some project. (Rule: Nationalities dont matter. Its the girl ;)).

This weekend was in contrast to the last two. I went to Sri Ventakeswara Mandir in Pittsburgh with Raghav and his family. They are very simple and warm hearted people. The best part was the food. Idlis for the breakfast, tamarind and curd rice for lunch and the same for dinner. I sang on the way back to DC for something like three hours. Thanks for the trip Rags. Had a great time cleansing my soul of the 'paaps' (sins).

That being said, there are actually no formal rules of engaging and fishing. One should make it a point to have a good time and be the person he/she is. Rest follows.

ps: Disclaimer: I am not a born flirt and though I have started having a good time recently, I strongly subscribe to the school of opinion which believes physical intimacy to be sacred.